We don’t always actively consider it, but the context surrounding the things we do is important. It may be perfectly acceptable to shout “We’re #1! USA! USA!” at a soccer game, for example, but that same behavior may be frowned upon at say, a funeral. The action is exactly the same, but the context in which it is being performed in has changed. As socially savvy individuals, we want to be as certain as possible that we exert whatever influence we can to ensure we have the most hospitable context possible for self-expression and comfort. Then we focus on acting appropriately to fit the context.
What is context, really? When something is done often enough by enough people it can become ritualized. Weddings, funerals, sporting events, work parties and countless other activities have been ritualized, and as such have their own sets of guiding rules and etiquette. The three-piece suit you wear to the wedding at 2pm will and should be replaced by a team jersey in time for the football game at 6pm–make a mistake and switch the two, and prepare yourself for a day of puzzling stares and all-around awkwardness. For our intents and purposes, context will refer to the rules, etiquette, and expectations that develop around activities that are common enough to hold a place in the collective social conscience. Man that was a lot of big words.
Why the hell do I care?
Fair question. You care because you want to use context to your advantage, not your disadvantage, which is frankly what most people do. Consider the old staple of taking a woman to dinner and a movie, an act so highly ritualized that when two men do it together it is often called a “man date.” By playing into the cliche you are entering into a world of preexisting context and expectations. It is officially a “date.” You are now engaged in what I call “fighting context.” By the end of a date, you are supposed to like each other romantically, at least more than you did at first. If you don’t, the date is said to have failed, and what could have been an otherwise interesting friendship withers on the vine, killed by awkwardness.
But what can I do?
Don’t play the ritual game. Don’t do the silly cliches (they’re boring anyway!). Do something unique, but not necessarily fancy. Frankly, my favorite first hangout is to run errands and have a girl keep me company. That way, if we don’t like each other, at least I got my letter mailed and picked up that new shirt I had my eye on. You’ll find all sorts of situations can be muddled by context, not just “dates.” Everything from introducing yourself to asking for a phone number to calling the next day to asking her to marry you is shrouded in context I assure you you’d rather not fight. Do things your own way (the less pressure the better!) and avoid anything you’ve seen Hugh Grant do in a movie. You’re not Hugh Grant, and going the traditional route will just remind her that you’re not.
P.S.
I’ll go more into this later but whatever you do: avoid labels. You should never call something a “date” nor should you ever say you’re going somewhere but “just as friends.” These are automatic “Go To Jail, Go Directly To Jail” cards into the context zone.
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